He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
