You just made me feel so damn special
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
