Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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