I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
