put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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