Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.