have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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