How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think I died a long time ago.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
