I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
