Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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