I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
tell me about the fingering
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
