Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
