yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
