i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
