Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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