My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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