the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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