the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
