It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
