I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
