My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my shit smells like andre
Come see our sink grown plant.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
