This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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