Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
