If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
