So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
