the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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