How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
