party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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