I have demons in me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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