Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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