if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
