wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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