i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
