were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
third nipple confirmed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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