He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fill condoms, not promises.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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