remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
