So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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