If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
