Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
