Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
