I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
