I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
