I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
