She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just threw up on my dentist
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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