Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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