Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
