kristin has been a bad kristin
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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