Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
