So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
