Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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