At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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