I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
