You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
