Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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