I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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