I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
