Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
