This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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