If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
