Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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