her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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