True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
