I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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